And that's curtains

I just don't fucking get it. A man can only try so much and get so little out of something till he just ends up giving up on something. It's like that one stubborn level in a video game or that one piece of furniture you can't put together and you just give up on it only to try your best the very next day. That's how I feel about women and myself. It's like I am in a never ending struggle to find some form of GENUINE affection that I have become cursed for eternity to live this here single life. I know, it may be a better one; but goddamn in my 22 years of living I have never once experienced about what nearly 96% of all the people I have known at some point in their lives. I have had sex before but it was a meaningless romp in the sheets. I was drunk, in a surly daze, and some chick made a beeline for my junk. I've even known a friend who dated some chick for about a week...you know what I would give to have something like that?

I just feel like I would have to literally have to go to the ends of the earth just to find my perfect woman. I mean honestly that's not working out here. For the past nine years I have had nothing but letdowns and broken hearts. Nine fuckin' years of turmoil and disrespect to whatever kindness I show. I just really don't get it. You put in that 100% effort to be with a female and you end up getting .01% back in return. And you know what the real killer is? SHE DOESN'T HAVE A FUCKING CLUE THAT YOU ARE EVEN SHOWING SUCH AFFECTION. She's blindsided by the next dude; arms made of pure steel and brawn, a face of an olympian, the gusto of a Spaniard and the physique of a gladiator. No clue what lurks beneath the surface but it sure as hell isn't anything as to what the other dude feels: actual genuine caring. Maybe I'm the one who is confused as to all of this, but I do make one point; women just don't dig nice, point blank period. Women in general would rather go for someone who is just one third of a good dude and about two-thirds the asshole to others. So I throw in the towel, I lay my hat on the post and casually pretend I never got coasted aside for another dude...again.

Nine bottles and some food for thought

After the first beer, I began to think about what has led me to this point. Maybe it was my own jealous greed or some self-satisfaction that I deserve for the credit to which I am due towards the process of getting business done. After the second beer those thoughts turned into a self-indulgence; a pride that I lacked from previous works that I were sure to gloat about for future endeavors. After the third beer my mind began to dumb down a bit and come face to face with reality itself. The sheer might of it all must have transcended me to a land of overwhelming gratitude towards my peers and close others. By the fourth beer, I lusted for the sweet scent of a woman. That familiar scent that just sparks up every vibe in my body and every emotion in my soul. Her scent is that of a lust that I want not need, it isn't a necessity only just a pleasure that I cannot put into view. By the fifth beer I was totally lost in my own thoughts. Why was she there? Why did she ask me such things? Was I wrong for not telling her? Just what have you felt for me? A spiral of my own madness took its toll on me and as I dug deeper and deeper into it, I thought to myself: why don't you just tell her?

My sixth beer brought with me some sort of a delighted drunkenness, a more whimsical mind-set driven by the unparallelled nature of happiness. I was punch-drunk infatuated with this woman and I never realized it. But what was the reasoning for such a strange liking of said female? Was it her looks? No. Was it her personality. No. Was it that intoxicating scent? Perhaps, but scents to not travel that fast to the heart. The seventh beer brought with me a sort of uncanny vibe, maybe my synapses were working throughout my entire body trying to figure out the puzzle with my thoughts. I tried to piece her together: a woman young of age, hair of a slightly auburn tint, eyes that looked as if shooting stars had fell into them, lips as thin as paper and a smile that blossomed from the inside and out. Smarts were in that brain of her's, a more sophisticated and enlightened intelligence learned from past mistakes and future problems. Her physique was of a rather petite kind; slender in all the right places, curves where there needed be some and legs of incredible athleticism. I would honestly say that this is the Greek god Athena in human form. But there was something missing from that puzzle, something that felt like an annoyance rather than a solution.

After the eighth beer, I began to abandon this silly charade and get right back to my drunken state. But here is where old thoughts come trickling in and where I cannot stand by and just let these thoughts get the better of me. I stare for a minute or two, you could actually see the cogs turning ever so slowly to solve this great riddle of mine. Have I become deranged, confused...misguided? No. For the first time I am dead sure certain that I have found the perfect woman, and for the life of me: I know this will never work. Cheers to the open-minded, I raise this ninth beer for the night in your honor....or was that ten?

Women Love (Insert Muscular Body Part Here)

   I haven't the slightest clue on what makes a woman purr at the very sight of a nice body. Do they look from head to toe or just make a pin-point look at one particular area? I just don't understand why women love their men for their physiques rather than for anything else. You could be as dumb as rocks, but heaven help you have a 12-pack of abs and a steel jaw worthy of Superman and you will have panties thrown at you. Is it necessary for a man to trade all of his intelligence, his ambitions and his own self-being just to impress a woman with the ability to crush an apple with just one hand? Fuck all that noise, for real.

I could never look like this, like the epitome of douchebaggery

   The way I see it, more than anything a woman looks for aside from a general nice (or normal) dude is someone with the physique of an Olympian athlete. They want the speed and stamina of Hermes, they want the body and strength of Hercules and the courage of David or some super heroic shit like that. A woman's perfect 10 in a male is all of that and then some, but honestly who is that perfect? I have seen men go to extreme lengths (myself included) just to impress a woman with abs of steel or attempting to lose all of their body weight just to get a woman to notice you. Why go through all that stress to lose like fifty pounds when you could just put that extra effort into someone who appreciates you for what you are? I know of a friend who is a a tad bit chubby....in all honesty, he's a fat bastard but he works out on a daily basis just to get in shape. But I know why he does this: to make sure a woman notices the man beyond that mountain of fat. It's a tragedy that he must live with because he rarely gets looks or even twice as many girls as most of his friends get and that's what pains me the most about women these days.

This is a once and I mean ONCE in a lifetime thing

   For fat men, it's either you are rich and powerful or are a championship stallion in the sheets. Through word of mouth, sure that fat guy has a chance...but where is the love in all of that? Why make a dollar or harsh commands makes that attraction towards said fat person? Me personally I have the physique of a swimmer. Slightly athletic, tall and slender with just enough meat to cover most of my rib cage up. I have these abnormally skinny long fingers and a bit to a limp as I walk. I wear glasses that are crooked only cause I fall asleep in them from time to time and I have a big head both in my boxers and attached to my neck. Do I get looks on by women? Sometimes, but not as much as I have seen with someone that looks ten times better than me on any given day. I don't envy those men, they workout cause they want to look good and they want their pussy rate to increase exponentially. But for those, all that they attract are either whores or generally confused women.

At first glance....would you date this dude?

   Case in point: say for instance you are this chick; good looking in your own right, highly intelligent, broken heart and confused on who to date next coming from a harsh relationship. She doesn't want to head for average Joe anymore so she gets the notion that maybe slightly buff and deteriorating intelligence Bill would be a much better fit for her. Why are you women so frightened with a man who actually knows more than one SAT word? She would rather just ignore the men who are actually genuinely interested in her rather than just settle for what worked for her in the first place, just with a more decent man and not some piece of shit asshole. It's just a matter of what's important to the female mind than what us men could do. All we have to do is either make that one first impression and it's hook, line and sinker from there. We could either woo a woman with our words or just let our bodies do the talking. Whether fat, skinny, buff, Mr. Universe or just plain average; women go for the body of the man rather than the character almost every time and in every situation.

Music bumped while writing this:

• True by Spandau Ballet
• People Make The World Go Round by The Stylistics
• Changeling/ Transmission 1 by DJ Shadow
• Trouble by Coldplay