THE MOST EPIC DREAM EVER!

So I fall asleep roughly about four hours ago and to my knowledge after waking up, I woke up from quite possibly the greatest dream ever. So the dream starts off where six of my good friends and I are all in chains riding in the back of some random horse carriage to god knows where. I guess everyone else was blindfolded but me, must have been my sub-conscious wanting me to recall every random detail. So the carriage stops and just spontaneously falls apart and I am treated to a visual of a coliseum made of pure glass. Like the entire thing looked like a giant mausoleum of glass and everything was see through. Automatically, this loud ass announcer tells us this straight up "YOU MOTHERFUCKERS LIVE THROUGH THIS SHIT, YOU GET NOTHING BUT BITCHES AND ALL THE GOLD YOU COULD EVER HAVE"  and a giant fucking rubber glove pointing the opposite direction shows the mountain of gold and scantily clad females. So some loud horn blares out of nowhere and this is when all hell broke loose. Did I forgot to mention that I was carrying nothing but my boxer shorts and two very long whips? Think of Indiana Jones but without the hat, outfit, gun and beard (not to mention, African-American) and you have me in a nutshell.

This was what my other friends were and I bullshit you not this was exactly what they were the entire match:

• Chris B: A gay cyborg that had a super sonic voice and chest hairs that spew acid
• Manny: Drank a golden liquid that made him the most sober man on the planet which gave him unparalleled speed and awareness of everything.
• Luis: A 1940's gangster that sang songs of sweet nothings into the ears of every combatant causing their heads to explode into a million waves of emotion
• Gregory: A black zombie wearing a monocle that used his eyes like helicopters and flew away out of sheer terror of what happened
• Sara: Turned into one of those parade big ass balloon things and dropped atomic bombs 
• Joseph Atlas: like a modern version of Frankenstein just instead of slowly moving around, he had the speed of a fucking jaguar and the strength of ten thousand men.

What we fought were: Warewolves, vampires, mud men, rock stars, comic book characters, gladiators, men made of sand, fairies, large goats, eagles, zombies, dinosaurs, lightbulbs, pure darkness, radio personalities, the essence of time itself, some dude wearing suspenders, hipsters, wacky inflatable armed tube men, clowns, reggae artists, my computer, the announcer guy, the entire fucking alphabet, windows, random explosions, the horse that brought us there.

SO we after fighting all of that, we soon realize that we had to fight each other in order to get the gold and random bitches. These are how the fights went down:

• Greg and Chris fought to the death, it prob lasted about twenty hard core minutes. Greg just would not die, he kept on going using his zombified powers of pure uppity. Chris kept yelling and yelling and yelling till eventually his head and entire body exploded into a shower of glitter and gayness.
• Greg then went after Joseph, who then ate Greg whole (pause) and proceeded to fight Sara.
• Sara got deflated but smothered herself around Joseph who then died of lack of oxygen and Sara just laid there, still alive by the way, but deflated.
• Manny fought with Luis and it was a rather spectacular event. It felt like a live PBS special that airs for some charity or Stevie Wonder foundation. Nothing but singing and soberness. I quickly put an end to that and cut both their heads off with my whips of mass destruction. 
• So in the end it was just me and Sara (deflated on the ground), I used her deflated self as some kind of a kite and for some odd reason a lightning storm came out of the wood work and electrocuted her and sent me skyrocketing onto the mountain of gold and bitches.

I wake up, and instant holy shit reaction follows. The moral of this dream? Don't fall asleep watching Game Of Thrones hopped up on cookie dough ice cream and the battles this show has. Now I lie in my bed, pondering on what may follow from said dream.....I'm still pretty creeped out. Fuck this, where's my wine?